Compassion in action: a way of seven steps to responsible accompaniment.
Inspired by the parable of the Good Samaritan *
A few weeks ago, in an informal discussion a teacher was talking to me about the great need for compassion in today's world. She was telling me that there was a need for compassion "not centered on pain and contemplation, so passive, like that of Christians". It got me thinking, is Christian compassion really like that? My resounding answer is of course not. I realized what a lack of understanding there is of the optics of those of us who walk the Emmaus Road.
I think there is a wonderful synthesis of compassion in perfect and balanced action in the Parable of the Good Samaritan*. It gives us (as the Good Book always does) the recipe and the way to apply it, in a completely contemporary way, more than two thousand years later. I found in it a method of 7 steps that can serve any leader (regardless of his creed and beliefs) who wants to boost the development of his collaborators, as well as in any person of good will who cares about those around and wants to put his shoulder to the wheel and help.
The steps are as follows:
Be there and be present.
Be aware and empathize.
Attend to the immediate problem.
Present alternative solutions.
Take charge.
Follow up.
Reflect and learn.
1. Be there and make yourself present.
This is where it all begins, the good leader must be present where his collaborators are, whether it is wandering around the production line, the floors of his office or through Zoom, you must be in the line of action and observe what is happening and how things are flowing.
Now, it's not enough to just drop in or connect to the meeting, you have to be present. You must bring all that you are, the attention, the intelligence, and the heart to know what is going on and to be able to see if someone has "fallen into the hands of the robbers".
2. Be aware and empathize.
The next thing our hero does is to "reach out to him and be filled with compassion". Well, isn't this a great definition of empathy? Once we have dared to see what is happening (which is an act of great courage, as it implies going beyond the barriers of selfishness and fear) we must reach out to the person and "feel" what they may be going through by placing ourselves in the same emotion as the other person. Without letting ourselves be carried away by false ego defenses like those who only looked at him and perhaps thought judging: "he asked for it, why does he go out alone on the road?
This would be like seeing a colleague who in a meeting has to receive the anger of a superior and think "of course, for not being well prepared" or feel relieved for not being the one exposed. Well, the good leader sympathizes and approaches.
3. Attend to the immediate problem.
What follows, after empathizing, is to see what the person's most pressing need is and help. It is time to take a concrete action that helps in the moment, this is the equivalent of cleaning and bandaging the wounds with what you have, even if it is only wine and oil.
Use what you know and who you are to comfort, listen, soothe, calm, guide and more, if it is in your hands. You know how to correct what happened? Then do it! Use what you know about the company, the procedures, use your creativity and influence to address the problem.
4. Present alternative solutions.
This step is the equivalent of "riding your own horse". With your experience and background, what is the underlying problem and how would you solve it? Help your partner to see their problems from a different point of view and, thinking along with you, come up with creative alternative solutions that may have been hidden from them before.
5. Take charge.
It is not enough to address the initial problem or launch a good idea, it is necessary to accompany the process. The first steps are the most complicated because it is when the possibility of relapse is greater. It is necessary to attend personally to this first stage so that the person feels the company and interest and the change can manifest itself.
It is time to take the person to the inn and take care of him/her. It would be worthwhile to tell him/her that in some time (a couple of weeks, months, depending on the expected change) you will meet again to talk about it.
6. Follow up.
Once the person is on track and someone else is accompanying him or her, it is important to see that he or she has the resources to move forward, and after a while you return to check on how he or she is doing. This is a time when you can think together about progress and what is needed. Think that the mere possibility of talking to you again is an incentive for change.
7. Reflect and learn.
One of the beautiful things about doing something good for someone else is that, without looking for it, it benefits you as well. This step is where you ask yourself: What did I do well? What could I have done better? What would I like to do differently on future occasions? In this way you close your cycle of learning and helping and prepare yourself for further growth.
We are in an era in which compassion is fundamental, we live too immersed in the noise both from within and without. If we only paid attention to the media, it would seem that rapacious selfishness is right. But this is not so, the path of development necessarily passes through consciousness and service. These seven steps show us a simple (though not easy) way to help in the best way and to live compassion.
Before closing this reflection, I would like to invite you to apply these seven steps with those closest to you. With your team, with your neighbor, with your parents, with your partner and children. What is happening to them? Are they suffering or hurt by something? If so, I lovingly ask you to stop and observe with your heart so that compassion can emerge. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we each gave ourselves to others in this way?
This is what this parable said to me. Does it say anything else to you? I would love to know. I invite you to write to me at fmonterrubio@icloud.com and we can discuss it.
With love,
Francisco
*Lc . 10, 33-36
The Good Samaritan
But the man was anxious to justify himself and said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbour?'
In answer Jesus said, 'A man was once on his way down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell into the hands of bandits; they stripped him, beat him and then made off, leaving him half dead.
Now a priest happened to be travelling down the same road, but when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. In the same way a Levite who came to the place saw him, and passed by on the other side.
But a Samaritan traveller who came on him was moved with compassion when he saw him. He went up to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them. He then lifted him onto his own mount and took him to an inn and looked after him. Next day, he took out two denarii and handed them to the innkeeper and said, "Look after him, and on my way back I will make good any extra expense you have."
Which of these three, do you think, proved himself a neighbour to the man who fell into the bandits' hands?'
He replied, 'The one who showed pity towards him.'
Jesus said to him, 'Go, and do the same yourself.'
Luc. 10, 29-36
https://www.catholic.org/bible/book.php?id=49&bible_chapter=10